Tag Archive for: happiness

My Secret Key to a Happy Life

I was recently asked to write a chapter for my good friend John Bardos’ ebook Change Your Life.

“Is there something specific that really helped put your life on a better path? Can you talk about a transformation that occurred because of one particular strategy? Is there something you do every day that is critical to your productivity?”

Rather than the typical personal development tips you hear, beyond practicing meditation and establishing a morning routine, my answer is the same one I give to people who ask how they can find more happiness in their lives. It’s incredibly simple advice, but requires great discipline to implement:

Choose Wisely

The secret to life is deceptively simple: choose carefully what you focus your attention on.

Namely, focus on the things you genuinely and deeply want more of. Look for what makes you happy.

Don’t obsess over the things that frustrate you. Don’t let anger, or resentment, become the center of attention.

Because as the saying goes, what you focus on grows. When I started to focus on cultivating an attitude of gratitude, my whole life transformed. And I find that when I consciously acknowledge the experiences, the people, and events I’m grateful and thankful for, somehow I tend to find more and more similar things that inspire gratitude.

Whereas, when I focus on my problems — when I go into emergency mode fighting fires and looking for every little detail of what is wrong with my work and family life — then I’ll find plenty of problems.

Seek, and you shall find. So seek the right things, and discipline your mind to search for opportunities rather than limitations.

I highly recommend any ambitious young person in the world today develop a regular gratitude practice as part of your daily rituals – write your answers in some kind of journal, or keep an ongoing note on your computer — but start the day with 3 things you’re thankful for, and end your day with 3 amazing things that happened for you. (If you have a hard time getting started, I recommend trying The Five Minute Journal: A Happier You in 5 Minutes a Day)

You’ll be surprised how quickly this daily practice can change your outlook, and even your circumstances.

Count your blessings, not your problems.

If you want to read 99 other great chapters from experts sharing their top strategies for reaching your highest potential, download your free copy of the book here.

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The Influence of Perception

Isn’t it strange, to live life through just one pair of eyeballs, and to know for a fact, that at the very same time, there are literally billions of other eyeballs having their very own, sometimes wildly unique lives, recording their own crazy experiences simultaneously.

And that’s just taking other people into account. Not to even mention the countless other lifeforms, just on this planet.

And who knows what else lurks out there in the deep reaches of outer space, in the great beyond, the Unknown World…

How important we think we are. Our experiences, our perspective.

And we tend to think other people share the same views on things, or at least that they should. But we forget how myopic others are, just as much as ourselves.

Humans tend to focus on the areas immediately around them — the objects in their immediate surroundings.

Jobs, and screens, don’t help.

There were times in millennia past when men did very little but watch the horizon for enemy tribes, or for predators. And there are still a few men throughout the world today who lead their lives in a similar fashion — seafarers, pilots, herders, hunters, outdoorsmen, certain kinds of nomads.

But most of us spend the vast majority of our hours and days indoors. In cities. Enclosed.

Our eyesight goes early because we spend years of our lives staring at screens or surfaces of one form or another. Our ancestors did not evolve to do the things we do today.

And keep in mind, the modern human brain essentially developed over 50,000 years ago.

For 99.8% of that time, humans were living very different lifestyles — occupying themselves with incredibly different things than we do today.

As I write this, I’m watching the construction men across the road building a magnificent piece of engineering.

construction

These guys (and a few gals, props to ’em) are working now on the seventh floor, out there in the breeze, no ropes, not one safety net that I can see from where I’m sitting.

Some of them have been practicing their craft for so long, they’ll stand right on the edge looking straight down.

And they’re talented.

But I bet you could point a gun at most of them from the next nearest rooftop, and nobody would see it coming. Because of the nature of their work (and this is a somewhat extreme example, I’ll admit) but they are hyper-focused on their immediate surroundings.

It’s not a bad thing. They get excellent work done.

But for a lot of people, it could cost you your life sometimes if you take your eye off your day job.

And most don’t get out enough to fully appreciate the real healing powers of being in our natural environment.

I feel people sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are not well-adapted to live with our technology.

Technology’s great. But we are in fact hard-wired through millions of years of evolution to do very different things than we do in 2017.

And that fact underlies most the problems YOU experience in life — from health issues, injuries, relationship challenges, emotional and mental wellbeing, to your failure to find meaning in your work, poor sexual performance, or struggling with unhappiness.

Even money (as you know it) wasn’t even a thing until the last 1000 years.

So if you’re struggling with that game, don’t worry. So am I. It doesn’t come naturally to anyone.

I have several friends who’ve managed to find a way to make millions, and then lose it all.

I’ve got to imagine that bites. Hard.

But I still respect them. Plus it just shows — we’re all only human.

If you’re struggling with any of these things — your emotional world, your fitness and health, your wealth, your relationships, or otherwise getting what you want out of life — I bet you probably don’t typically think in your day-to-day life that maybe something about how your ancestors evolved had much to do with it.

But just maybe…

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Once in a while, it’s nice to get out of the city. It’s nice to get out into nature, somewhere you can stretch out and breath. Somewhere you can spend time with the wanderers, the seagoers, the adventurers.

Somewhere far away from your day job. Somewhere you can look out across the open sea, or examine the world from mountaintop.

I even just love sitting here on my balcony every chance I get, watching the world go by. It gives you a different PERSPECTIVE on life, and the world.

But with the increasing harvest season smoke and smog here in Chiang Mai, I’m thinking of getting away from it all, getting a change of perspective and going to immerse myself in the great outdoors, in my preferred natural environment.

It’s been quite a while actually, since I visited my good friends there… sat on my favorite beach listening to the ocean speak, went rock climbing, or sea kayaking, or even just jammed at one of the great reggae bars filled with friendly warm faces.

Heck, last time I took a group of new friends there, we swam with sharks, braved jellyfish stings, we shared unforgettable moments together around a beach bonfire, under an open sky full of stars.

hiking guided tour krabi

If anybody wants to join me soon in my favorite paradise, I’m thinking of making another escape to Krabi, Thailand.

But this is a HEROIC Escape! We always build incredible deep bonds with new friends, push ourselves to grow in challenging but fun ways, and tend to really experience some breakthroughs through a change in perspective, and through more physical, natural challenges than many folks might be used to (at least in their day-to-day life).

I always find it’s a great reset, and I always deepen some pretty valuable new relationships with fascinating people. I’ve even connected some new friends with VC money in the millions, or with publishers, for example, through these wild experiences.

And I’ve been blessed to witness some incredible transformative moments that people have had — simply challenging themselves in weird new ways and sharing a once-in-a-lifetime experience together with other like-minded people.

I spent 2 years living in Ao Nang, Krabi, and developed many amazing friendships and invaluable connections in this very magical place.

If there is a Shangri-La, this is it as far as I’m concerned:

In the 35 countries I’ve traveled so far, I haven’t found a beach I love more than this place.

Let me know — I’m considering taking my Queen and our son for their first time for much of March, and I’m toying with the idea of throwing a little beach festival for my 33rd birthday.

If you’d be interested to join, let me know here.

And keep your eye on the horizon, friends.

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The Young Social Entrepreneur Shaping a Better Future for At-Risk Children in Bangkok

I’ve been wanting to share a lot more here about the people and stories I find truly fascinating and inspiring.

The first on that list is someone very unique that I’d like to shine a spotlight on:

My closest friend in Bangkok — Dwight Turner — is the crazy changemaker behind the grassroots volunteer organization In Search of Sanuk (2016 update: now ‘Courageous Kitchen’)

He is an inspirational and unique character in the strange chaotic melting pot that is Southeast Asia. His love for others, and his dedication to helping children and families in need shines brilliantly in the darkness.

If you’ve been following me here at Thrilling Heroics for long, you will have seen his name before, but somebody with some skill finally picked up a video camera and followed him around Bangkok to get a real tactile feel for what he’s doing to make this little corner of the world a better place, working hard to help urban refugees in Thailand.

I’ll let this quick 4-minute documentary speak for itself, so watch it. If the video doesn’t appear for you, click here to watch it. It’s only a few moments of your time, and I promise it will be well spent.

To me, Dwight is a shining example of the entrepreneurs — or social inventors — who are creating new realities that will shape the next century. 

He’s a selfless, hard-working global citizen who genuinely cares about making the world a better place, and people like him are doing it, one little bit at a time.

If this short documentary has you inspired, then find out more about Dwight’s project and begin your unconventional giving by donating today. Give just a few dollars, a small sum that could very well have a major impact on the lives of an underprivileged family living in poverty.

Dwight is just the first of many incredible social inventors and changemakers who we will highlight here at Thrilling Heroics… But  Bangkok certainly wouldn’t be the same without him.

You can also see the part In Search of Sanuk had in changing our good friend Ryan’s life, as just one example.

Help Courageous Kitchen (previously ‘In Search of Sanuk’) hit their “Fun-Raising” goals for 2012 by making a one-time or monthly donation here through PayPal.

If you’re feeling generous like I am, then let’s share with Courageous Kitchen to help them continue the good work they’re doing to improve lives in Bangkok.

Go here to make a donation.

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My Secret Recipe for 100% Guaranteed Happiness

My friend Dwight is slowly convincing me that I’m a philanthropist.

I’ve talked before about the impact Dwight Turner is making in Bangkok—making it easy for people to volunteer and contribute to charitable causes in Thailand. We have gone to hand out food to the homeless near Democracy Monument here in Bangkok, we’ve taken the great kids at Chonburi Children’s Center to the beach, we’ve volunteered with the infants and toddlers at Friends For All Children (F.F.A.C.) nursery, we’ve held events to raise money for an urban garden installation project here in Bangkok and for medical aide for refugees. Dwight’s hard work has even earned him the attention of CNN’s new local Asia site.

I’ve met incredible people with touching stories. I’ve made incredible friends with some of the other volunteers.

To commemorate September 11th this year, In Search of Sanuk hosted Bangkok’s Twestival celebration. Twestival is a Twitter-inspired social event where attendees can meet other Twitter users (much like our monthly Bangkok Tweetup), but also be a part of a global awareness and fundraising campaign for charitable causes around the world. We raised money for two orphanages near the Burmese border—Baan Unrak and Baan Dada.

The event was spectacular. Over 350 people came out to party on the Fraser Suites’ poolside rooftop bar and support our cause. People recorded and shared our social media-powered event live. We raised over $2400 US, which can go a long way in Southeast Asia. The founders of Digital Democracy even showed up to interview volunteers Jen, Danielle, and myself about emerging technologies in Thailand and about how the global Twitter event was helping make a social change:

So here’s the secret: Some of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had have been volunteering with children throughout Thailand.

A few days after the event successfully wrapped, Dwight and I took a 7-hour van ride to hand-deliver donations and visit the two children’s homes with our travel buddies Mark, Joel and Agnes.

Baan Unrak and Baan Dada educate and empower orphaned or otherwise impoverished kids—not only Thais but also Karen and Mon refugees who’ve been driven from their homes and persecuted by the Burmese military dictatorship. The children are instructed in playing musical instruments, sewing, fixing motorbikes, art, languages and technical skills. They’re taught to respect all people, creatures, religion and to practice vegetarianism. The homes also provide jobs for refugees and local families who help care for the children, assist with farming, construction and weaving projects.

Wandering through Sangklaburi farmland with the Baan Dada children

Hanging out with kids like these is a transformative experience. They are some of the poorest people in the world, often living in crummy conditions, many have lost their families, yet they are the most cheerful and gracious little people you’ll ever meet.

Words cannot describe, so I’ll let this video do the job for me. This is a montage of many of the great kids I’ve had the opportunity to share time with while helping out at Baan Dada, Baan Unrak, F.F.A.C., Chonburi Center, and more.

Whatever you do, watch this video.

Spending time with children in need will change your life. Once you begin to understand the loss some of them have experienced, the disadvantage they are at—and yet they still exude love—it should cause you to reevaluate how you look at your own life. You can’t help but smile around some of these kids.

The only activity I’ve found yet that is guaranteed to keep a smile on my face.

Find children in need (they are everywhere, unfortunately). Go and give generously with your time and any other resources you can share.

Some of the awesome kids at Baan Unrak

Some of the awesome kids at Baan Unrak

This message is dedicated to a gracious, playful little tyke who lost his life way before his time. Ali Baba lost a battle with disease on Thursday, September 17th, just two days after we said goodbye to him and the other children at Baan Dada. The loss was unbearable and affected a lot of us. Rest in peace, friend.

Cody with Ali Baba

If you’d like to make a donation on his behalf, the home is building a new medical clinic and needs your help. You can sponsor a child’s food and healthcare needs for three months for only $187. Donate to Baan Dada.

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I want to change society…

I want to be a revolutionary. I want to make this world a better place for my future children. I made the conscious decision some time ago that I don’t want to live a normal life—I don’t want to bury my head in the sand and I don’t want to be apathetic. I want to confront the problems and I want to participate in change. I have spent the last few years searching for ways in which I can accomplish this goal and ways I can live my life to best reflect these values…and though my ideas and values may change over time, I, like many young Gen-Y professionals, am blessed to have been given the health, education, and affluence that I have. It is our responsibility to make the most out of life and explore our full potential!

Tim Sanders says that “Happiness is like a ray of light that sits just beyond the dark clouds of suffering. When those clouds part our joy shines through. We only get glimpses of this light because there is so much suffering in our lives.” Sanders believes that our greatest joy and energy comes from participating in the end of suffering and in facilitating happiness for others. On that note, here are a few of my beliefs at this point in my life:

  • Our general attitude here in the U.S. is too self-centered, too greedy, and too busy
  • We make the fallacious assumption that we can impose our societal values on other groups of people without first striving to understand those people
  • Decades of slow transition have blinded us from recognizing trespasses to our own freedom and democracy
  • War and killing are an inhumane means to get what we want
  • We tend to have selective hearing only to the suffering of those who it benefits us to help
  • Our consumer mindset has distanced us from the means of production for both food and goods
  • Our culture of debt is setting us up for economic failure
  • We have an unacceptable level of dependence on oil as an energy source
  • Our world is in trouble if we don’t do something to stop and reverse the effects of global warming—and we have nowhere else to live

And here are some of the things that I strongly advocate based on those beliefs:

  • Government accountability
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Sustainable business practices
  • International business development and open international diplomacy
  • Overseas travel and cultural learning
  • Awareness of humanitarian causes worldwide
  • Living a sustainable life
  • Redesigning infrastructure to support renewable energies

From A Mission Statement that rocks: The End of Suffering:

It is my informed opinion that the most effective leaders in the world focus efforts towards the end of suffering. They are first and foremost happy and proactive in defending that happiness. They are sensitive to others’ feelings and possess a connected form of emotional intelligence.

After reading Tim Sanders’ words, I am motivated to develop a definitive mission statement and make a public statement of some of my life goals. Although I do not know where this life will take me, I aim to take action to make my above values reality, and to live my life in accordance with them. My goals: to spend the next 5 years gaining professional experience and cultivating strong contacts in relevant industries; to apply to the Stanford Graduate School of Business; to research in business, environment, and sustainability; and to start my own social venture or green company.

Almost everything I share on this blog is related to my above values. I want to sincerely thank those of you who have consistently returned to read my thoughts on these issues and to check out valuable information that I try to pass along. I also want to ask you to spread the word about this blog to other individuals who you think share similar ideals. And most importantly, I would like to ask my readers to help support me in my mission and to help hold me accountable to my goals.

I will continue to write here at Thrilling Heroics about my professional, educational and entrepreneurial experience. I encourage you to follow along with me through the journey and offer your own thoughts and opinions along the way. In addition to following my journey, I also want to write this blog to encourage others to make a similar journey. Let me know if you work or study in these areas, and what your thoughts are on my newly-adopted mission!

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